I Feel Like I’m on Match.com All Over Again

in Mommy Musings

Being new to the mom scene and having to make new mommy friends is much like dating online.  You have to put yourself out there to find a companion, or better yet, your soul mate.  After 10months of physically being away from NYC and then being too busy dealing with the apartment renovation to really socialize, I’m excited to branch out and bond with other moms.  At the risk of sounding corny, I need a friend – a mom friend.  And just like when I was single on Match, I’ve got my list of base criteria.   I don’t want  just any mom.   I want a mom who lives in my neighborhood, a mom with kid(s) around J’s age, a mom with a sense of humor and style and a mom who is in her 30s like me.   Is this asking too much?

So I did a little research, signed up for some appropriate meetup.com groups, eblasted my apartment database with an introduction and play date interest and paid a $50 due for a neighborhood mommy database all in hopes of meeting Ms. Right.  My husband accused me of being pitiful.  I’m not.  Am I??  Isn’t this what new moms do?!

I’m having flashbacks to my Match.com days, as I find myself writing my online profile.  How do I present myself without seeming too needy or desperate?  Did I say enough?  Did I say too much?  Will I attract the right kind?  How many first dates will I have to go on before finding “the one?”

nyc mom

I think I really screwed things up the other day.  I met this woman who seemed every bit what I am looking for in a new friend:  confident, fun, smart, motivated, stylish, hip, pretty even and woah my neighbor!  I excitedly got her number under the premise of following up on some information she had given me and possibly too eagerly texted her a follow-up and invite to have coffee sometime.  No response.  My heart sunk a little when a few days then a week passed and still every time I looked at my phone like a rejected teenager, there was no response text, no call, not even a break-up, you’re-not-my-type answer.  Then, one day I bumped into her in the elevator and while I played it cool, she akwardly explained she had been too busy to respond.  I conscientiously prevented my eyes from rolling around like they so wanted to and listened to the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech.  Of course, I couldn’t get my husband’s voice out of my head..”this is pitiful” he would retort.  Then revealingly, she mentioned being sorry she couldn’t respond to my 10 texts.  “10 texts?!”  I sent her 4 sentences in one text and a follow-up one after.  What a diss!  Was she making fun of me with this exaggeration?  Is this how I turned her off from ever responding? Or was she truly that busy?   Ouch.  And oops.

I guess, all I can do is pick up my head and move on.  There are after all, plenty of fish in the sea as they say, right?  In fact, I’ve already got some new mom contacts that I’ve been emailing through the paid network which has my hopes up high.  But now I’m second guessing myself.  Is it too soon to respond to the email?  Will I seem too eager?  When is it OK to ask them out on a date?  And when is it appropriate to bring them home?

So many questions.  I need a Hitch for the mommy dating scene.  ‘Til then, I guess I’ll be learning through more trial and error.

 

 

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather @ US-Japan Fam January 25, 2014 at 9:53 am

Hehe it’s tough!! At 3 months postpartum I was desperate for friends! I found a handful through posting on babycenter, WTE, and cafe mom, then I took matters into my own hands. I started a Facebook group for moms of babies in my neiborhood (“Bay Ridge Baby Mamas”). It feels MUCH less desperate to go up to a random mom at the library or Starbucks and say “Want to join my awesome mommy group” rather than “Will you be my friend!??!” LOL!!! It’s been only 9 months but we already have over 200 members, it’s FREE, and I’ve made so many awesome friends through it! I monitor the board and luckily we don’t have issues with judgey or snarky moms (or I’d be sure to boot them), we have weekly meetups and playdates, etc. I highly recommend going proactive and starting your own group – skip those stupid groups charging money to belong, that’s BS!!!

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fabgab January 26, 2014 at 11:42 pm

All great tips, Heather. Thanks! I like the FB page idea a lot.
You know what’s funny, is I know of a mom who used to approach other moms in the neighborhood with her opening line as “are you lonely too??” haha

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Sarah Parisi March 6, 2014 at 11:20 pm

I couldn’t agree more! Please do a follow up post as soon as you have it all figured out with all the tips & tricks you’ve learned 😉
(P.S. Stopping by from the #tbtlinkup)

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Kristin Strange March 7, 2014 at 12:33 pm

You are writing my life. The hard thing is I am not a planner I am a doer so if someone says “Come over tomorrow at noon” I would be there but if someone says we should plan something, it will never happen. What hood are you in my little one is 8 months old they could be buddies 🙂

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fabgab March 7, 2014 at 1:02 pm

Hi Kristin I live in FIDI – how about you? It’s nice to hear from you here.

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Angel March 8, 2014 at 9:45 am

This was too funny! I can relate. I hadn’t thought of using meetup.com to meet new moms though, good idea! Too bad I’m in Canada, we could have been great friends 🙂

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fabgab March 11, 2014 at 9:00 pm

Nice to hear from ya and good luck with using Meetup.com!

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Angela Culley (Math NInja) March 9, 2014 at 10:48 am

We have all been there! I’ve moved a lot as an adult and every time I have to start over and find new local friends. The process sucks but the end result is worth it 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
#TBTlinkup

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